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Joke of the Day

"Me: When does karaoke start? Him: Never. Me: But I put my ""I ? Karaoke"" t-shirt on. Him: We noticed. Me: This is the worst funeral ever."

"[Pilot intercom] Me: ""Hello, this is the co-pilot speaking. Not to cause alarm but the pilot has passed out and I lied a lot on my resume."""

"Has anyone heard of the movie 'Constipation'? No because it hasn't come out yet. Huehuehuehuehue"

"Why do women have short feet? So they can stand closer to the sink"

"I met the woman of my dreams playing Pokemon GO then she got hit by a car."

"A sentence and a phrase is arguing, what did the sentence say? I know where you're coming from this phrase, but I can't see your point."

"A cop pulls a guy over for speeding on a slow day Cop: ""I've been waiting for you all day."" Driver: ""Sorry, officer. I got here as fast as I could."""

"Fighting Fire with Fire Have you ever heard the phrase ""fight fire with fire""? Have you ever actually tried that? I have, you know what happens? You just get a much larger fire."

"How do you see countries neighboring Russia? Ukraine your neck."

"Facebook says: I know everyone. Google says: I know everything. The ""Internet"" says: Ya'll are nothing without me. Electricity says: Not this game again..."