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Joke of the Day

"Having sex is just like riding a bike. A strategically placed baseball card makes it sound like a motorcycle."

"Why are black people tall? Because their knee grows."

"Just witnessed the shortest ever dispute in court about a guy who supposedly stole a woman's bag. It was a briefcase."

"Judge: Your first marriage was terminated by death? A: Yes by death. Judge: And by whose death was it terminated?"

"Policeman: Why are you driving on the sidewalk? Motorist: It's too dangerous on the street."

"[death row] Guard: Any last words? Me: [smugly] photosynthesis. Guard: ... Me: it sounded longer in my head."

"women tend to make bad decisions when they're around me... if they chose me instead it would be the best decision of their lives!"

"[job interview] ""Tell me one of your long term goals"" Sleeping ""No, I meant-"" *leans in way too close* My answer isn't going to change"

"Why was 6 scared of 7? Because 7 raped 6 when he was 4."

"I saw my buddy Barry Goldstein at the casino the other night. It was very un-jew-sual."