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Joke of the Day

"women tend to make bad decisions when they're around me... if they chose me instead it would be the best decision of their lives!"

"Justin Bieber has found Jesus which means that Jesus is really great at a lot of things but hiding is not one of them."

"Hear about the constipated accountant? He worked it out with a pencil."

"Q: What is 74 to a blonde? A: 69 plus VAT"

"MATH PROBLEM: If you give half of your apple to a friend, what do you have? ME (through tears): A...a friend"

"A friendly reminder to Republicans... ...to set your clocks 60 years ahead and join the rest of us in the 21st century."

"When someone says, ""Good luck with that'' they actually mean ""Let me grab some popcorn so I can watch you fail."""

"How is the NFL like Brokeback Mountain? The Cowboys suck!"

"It truly bothers me how many people would marry someone just for their money. Because I'm trying to do that & you're lowering my chances."

"Saw an accident on the highway today that made me feel like a short-sighted man in a strip club... I couldn't see much but there was definitely a semi involved."