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Joke of the Day

"[death row] Guard: Any last words? Me: [smugly] photosynthesis. Guard: ... Me: it sounded longer in my head."

"Roses are red... Roses are red. Violets are red. The grass is red. The fence is red. OH SHIT THE GARDEN'S ON FIRE!"

"A guy started Social Network rehab centre; It has no computers, no wifi, no mobiles, no tablets & no customers"

"What do you do after having licked the world's smoothest vagina? Put it back in the stroller"

"You people who pull back the shower curtain checking for psycopathic murderers ... if you find one, what's your plan?"

"Sometimes there's a huge disaster and lots of people die but it's ok because no celebrities got divorced."

"It's cute that the NRA thinks guns could defend you from a government that has a high fructose corn syrup nozzle up every citizens' asshole."

"What is the largest moth the world has ever seen? A mammoth"

"Where does Google and Apple get their weather information? The Cloud."

"You know you're in for a rough Prostate Exam... ...when you get into ""position"" and, right after the doctor snaps his gloves on, the nurse leans forward and gives you the ""safe word"""