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Joke of the Day

"Just witnessed the shortest ever dispute in court about a guy who supposedly stole a woman's bag. It was a briefcase."

"I was out of tanning oil once, so I used PAM Cooking Spray. The tan didn't stick."

"How do you tell the difference between a Syrian hospital and an ISIS military base? I don't know either, Johnny, just fly the drone."

"How do crows know what time is it? They have the knights watch ."

"What do you get when you mix triangles with Tumblr? Trigger-Nometry"

"What math class should feminists take? Triggernomics"

"ME (tousling his hair): You got a girlfriend? 8 YEAR-OLD: Yeah ME (grabbing him by the collar): How. How did you do it"

"I just love rehydrated raisins They're grape."

"Two muffins are in an oven The first one turns to the other and says: ""It sure is getting hot in here"". To which the second muffin replies: ""Holy Crap! A talking muffin!"""

"What happens when you give Sigmund Freud and Oedipus a bunch of cocaine? A mother fucking awesome party."