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Joke of the Day

"Are you a singularity? Not only are you attractive, but the closer I get to you, the faster time seems to slip by."

"I haven't been drunk in so long, I almost forgot what it's like to love everyone."

"Lil Johnny: ""Dad I lost my virginity las night!"" Dad: ""I am proud of you son, come sit next to me and tell me how it went."" Lil Johnny: ""I can't sit right now, my butt still hurts"""

"Which is more promiscuous, a Northern girl or a Southern girl? A Northern girl says ""You can"" but a Southern girl says ""Y'all can""!"

"What do you call a black guy who sells flowers? A florist."

"At my funeral, feed me into a woodchipper and point it at the mourners"

"What do you call it when a criminal goes down an elevator? A con descending."

"Did you hear that the DMV is going make all stop signs bilingual for Spanish Speakers in 2014? It's not going to be too expensive, though, all they have to do is add the ""e"" to the front."

"Has there been a day when reddit hasn't been down cause of server problems? Yes. When the SOPA/PIPA protest happened."

"Teacher And Student Teacher: who's the big person, you or your dad? Kid: me of course. Teacher: why. Kid: I stopped drinking milk from my mom, dad hasn't."