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Joke of the Day

"What do you call it when a criminal goes down an elevator? A con descending."

"[reading test results] ""It looks like you're gonna be just fine"" [nurse whispers in ear] ""Lol my bad u got like 6 weeks"" -Steve Harvey M.D."

"When angered, the female can text message at speeds of up to 1,600 words per minute."

"What do you call the German word for Vaseline? Derweinerslider"

"Two condoms walk past a gay bar One says to the other ""what do you say we go in there and get shit-faced?"""

"My friend kees saying ' cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole of water' I know he means well."

"[in hospital] -dude what happened? ""I got hit by a bu- [a bus taps on the window, does neck slice motion] -I mean I fell down the stairs"""

"I accidentally swallowed a piece of string the other day. When it finally came out the back end, it was all tied up. I shit you knot"

"I use to worked with an 82 year old. He always had extremely vulgar jokes. ""Hey Ken, got any new jokes?"" 'Nope, didn't go to Church this week.'"

"I told her I had lightning quick reflexes... Sounds better than premature ejaculator..."