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Joke of the Day

"yesterday when I was contemplating my life while playing volleyball I wondered why the volleyball was getting bigger. Then it hit me."

"Why did Ted get fired from his job? Because he would only do the _bear_ minimum?"

"What do you call an Eskimo optometrist? ...An optical Aleutian. I actually made this one up. But if someone else said it first, I wouldn't be surprised."

"What do you call it when you forgot to use mouthwash, and it kills an otherwise pleasant evening? A ""no scope"""

"Diamonds are a girl's best friend and an impoverished Sierra Leonean child laborer's worst nightmare."

"What is the difference between a Mountain Lion and a Guppy? A Guppy likes to muck around the fountain; a Lion likes to fuck around the Mountain."

"What do Batman films and religious farms have in common? They may have a Christian Bale in them."

"Hitlers gonna hitl"

"Anything I accomplish before I finish my first cup of coffee has been fueled by rage."

"What's long and green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger."