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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a Mountain Lion and a Guppy? A Guppy likes to muck around the fountain; a Lion likes to fuck around the Mountain."

"Not right now green light, I'm taking a selfie."

"When a guy texts ""your beautiful,"" reply with ""my beautiful what?"" then laugh and laugh and never talk to that nice idiot again."

"What car does Hitler drive? [OC] A fuhrerri."

"What the lifelong atheist said when he reached the Pearly Gates. I'll be damned!"

"Did you hear about the wooden horse? Wooden poop."

"What sort of crime is it if a neckbeard commits murder? A fedoral offense."

"The agony of dyslexia I stopped in to visit my dyslexic friend last night. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish. I said to him: ""You idiot!"" ""You're supposed to turn your clock back!"

"What are some towing related jokes i can impress my car club coworkers with? I've already got that the frog called our car club to get toad, but that's about where my puns end."

"A Frenchman walks into a library and asks for a book on war. The librarian replies, ""Fuck off, you'll lose it."""