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Joke of the Day

"Seriously, soup? If I wanted to drink my lunch I would go to a bar."

"Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy. Jack got a shock, with a mouth full of cock, to find out Jill's real name was Randy."

"eer booze and fun!' 'WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear."

"Him: She's always doing magic tricks Therapist: Is that true? Me: Check your pocket. [he pulls out a piece of paper with 'NO' written on it]"

"In capitalist America, you grab people by the pussy. In Soviet Russia, you seize the means of reproduction."

"With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine."

"R.I.P. the phrase ""I don't have an opinion on it."" Born 1550 - Died 2014"

"Answer: ""On Wisconsin"" Question: ""Where will Duke be spending much of tonight dunking?"""

"A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem... He says,""Give me 2 shots..."" The bartender cuts him off saying,""You only get one shot."""

"Doctor: You're obese. Patient: Whoa, for that I definitely want a second opinion. Doctor: You're quite ugly, too."