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Joke of the Day

"There's an Italian town where pasta is a currency A penne for their thoughts."

"What's the worst vegetable to have on a boat? My fucking retarded son"

"Energizing breakfast smoothie: 1. 2 cups chopped kale 2. 1 ripe banana 3. 1/8 tsp flax oil 4. 1/2 cup coconut water 5. 3 grams of cocaine"

"I met a woman at happy hour... She had a tattoo on her bikini line. It was a picture of a conch shell. She said ""If you put your ear to it, you can smell the ocean""."

"I'm catching a lot of Pokemon on my drive home... ... because the hospital stay after a car accident tends to make the commute last much longer."

"What's the difference between a priest and a pimple? At least the pimple waits until you are 14 before it cums on your face."

"I went to a chyropracter today Oops, I meant a chiropractor. I stand corrected."

"Jesus loves me, but I told him that I could never date a pool boy."

"What is a childs's favourite type of Halloween candy? Lots a candy."

"As an adult, I have to do some lame things like pay bills & have responsibilities. But I can also eat ice cream for dinner."