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Joke of the Day

"Why can't you suck air through your fist while bobbing your head back and forth? ;}"

"It's Saturday.. Turning my give-a-crap-o' meter down... "

"I went SCUBA-diving and my equipment malfunctioned. I was so mad... ... it literally made my blood boil."

"That'll do, fellas. I think we're good on breathy singer-songwriters who sound like they're creepily whispering rapey stuff in our ears."

"What do jehovah's witnesses believe in? That I will open the door"

"President, first day on the job: *pushing a button* Janet can you- [two nuclear missiles launch towards Moscow] That wasn't the intercom."

"There are three kinds of people The ones that can count, and the ones that can't."

"If Trump wins the election ... What will the presidential candidate for the next election choose as his/her campaign motto? ""Make America good again."""

"Where did Nicholas II of Russia get his coffee? Tsarbucks."

"Why did the bartender put on a sweater? She thought it was a little drafty."