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Joke of the Day

"President, first day on the job: *pushing a button* Janet can you- [two nuclear missiles launch towards Moscow] That wasn't the intercom."

"How to get free skydiving lessons. Step 1: Be gay in a Muslim country."

"When I'm in an elevator with a stranger I generally hold their hand to let them know that they're safe"

"I wish ""it's the thought that counts"" worked for housework."

"If they sold Star Trek themed condoms they wouldn't need to put any condoms in the wrappers."

"How do you answer the door Mathematically? Door: ""What is 2+2?"" Me: ""4"" Door: ""Cool!"""

"Trump is a plant by the NRA to make liberals want to shoot someone"

"What's the difference between a Transformer robot and a Transgender person? One is living in a spaceship and one is living a lie."

"Some people say that The Big Bang Theory disproves God... I mean, sure, it's not the best show, but I wouldn't go *that* far."

"My dog's pissed cos I buy him Senior food. He won't admit he's older now. So I scratch out the ""i"" on each can & tell him it's Mexican food."