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Joke of the Day

"Interviewer: So when did you decide you wanted to be a sumo wrestler? Me: When someone tried to get me onto the dancefloor at a wedding."

"[on quiz show] ""and if you won some money today keith, what would you do with it?"" *leans way too close into the microphone* spend it alex"

"What part of a hospital does an abortion patient avoid? The right wing"

"What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman - What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? - Snowballs."

"My compass I have a compass, but instead of North, South, etc, it just points to Orc's, so when people ask me for directions, it's always orcward."

"What do you do when a box kotex catches on fire? throw it on the ground and tampon it."

"What is Walt Jr.'s favorite movie? The Breakfast Club."

"Putin at the airport Vladimir Putin arrives at an airport, gets in line at customs desk. Customs officer: Occupation? Putin: No, just visiting."

"A police man pulled me over and said ""papers"". So I said ""Scissors! I win"" and drove off"

"Son: can I go? Dad: storm coming, tornado warnings Son: yeah I know Dad: wait for your brother to get home, he can continue the bloodline"