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Joke of the Day

"Son: can I go? Dad: storm coming, tornado warnings Son: yeah I know Dad: wait for your brother to get home, he can continue the bloodline"

"What genius named it a ""news feed"" on Facebook and not ""bullshit""?!"

"[Interrupts the wedding vows] it's open bar right?"

"[taking my final breaths after a freak accident] Tell my family I totes love them *gasping for air* but like, roll your eyes real hard"

"Where do all the good boys go to hide away? r/cringepics Based off Daya's song ""Hide Away"""

"Why do most men hate Russian dolls? Because they're so full of themselves."

"Toy Story (1995) - A cowboy & a deluded astronaut battle over who gets to sleep with a 6-year-old boy."

"When I get a little tipsy I like to go to a random neighbourhood, knock on the door and say, ""Sarah Connor?""."

"If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language? An American."

"How do you write ""DO NOT TOUCH"" in braille ?"