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Joke of the Day

"I'm almost positive that angrily staring at the pile of dirty laundry won't fix things, but it's worth a shot."

"1890 How can you tell someone is a vegan, cross fitter, or an atheist? (alt) Make a joke about them, and then they'll get real offended."

"What to you call an Eskimo peeping Tom? Tommy Tookalook"

"A woman is like a fine wine: they are 70% water"

"I read that having sex every day for a year could transform your marriage. It worked so well I'm thinking of suggesting it to my wife."

"If I had a boy I'd name him ""Opportunity"" & whenever he knocks on the door I'll say ""I bet that's opportunity knocking"" & laugh with my wife"

"I wish mirrors and cameras would get together and figure out what I really look like."

"People always tell me to act my age so I bought expensive cheese."

"It took me 6 months to finish a puzzle.. ..which I think is amazing considering the box said 2-4 years"

"I don't like coconut so I don't eat coconut. I don't follow coconut around criticizing its texture or taste or tweets or sense of humor."