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Joke of the Day

"It took me 6 months to finish a puzzle.. ..which I think is amazing considering the box said 2-4 years"

"I figured out I'm autosapiosexual. I just came to this conclusion."

"He said: ""Tell me Baby...am I your first?"" She said: ""What? Like...today?"""

"At church they said the number of the beast is 666, but I stood up and said that's not my wifes phone number at all. She's zero fun today"

"Check-writing-grocery-line lady. No-turn-signal-SUV guy. Recline-seat-into-your-lap man. They're all voting tomorrow. Let's cancel them out."

"What did the orphan say when the orphanage burned down? Nothing. He just laughed."

"Mufasa means King. So their parents literally named their sons King and Garbage. No wonder Scar wanted everyone dead."

"How is marijuana stock sold on the stock market? Buy high sell higher."

"Her: *puts cherry stem in mouth *pulls it out with a knot *winks Him: *puts earbuds in pocket *pulls it out with 5 knots *doesn't get laid"

"What do prisoners used to talk to each other in jail? Cell Phones."