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Joke of the Day

"your call is important to us. like, super important. we all bought new outfits for this call. dave is wearing a wig"

"Tommy Lee Jones always looks like his son just told him he wants to ride unicycles professionally."

"BRUCE WAYNE: How can I rid this city of crime ALFRED: Mental health care access, economic development, gun reg BRUCE: Bring me a cape"

"I'm the kind of guy who stops the microwave at 1 second just to feel like a bomb defuser."

"I was furious when I found my wife's profile on an on-line dating website. That lying bitch isn't, ""Fun to be around."""

"[lying with girlfriend & looking up at the stars] ""Hey--"" *points to shooting star* ""You've put on a lot of weight."""

"A little boy walks into a bar... he is treated for minor concussions... it's funny cause he's a minor, laugh"

"Q: How can you tell a blonde is being unfaithful? A: Everybody in the neighborhood is going to the pharmacy for penicillin."

"What is a whale's favorite TV show? Flukes of Hazard!"

"""Meh-eh-eh. Meh-eh-eh"" - Apathetic goat."