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Joke of the Day

"I stole a toilet seat from a police station once, and they never figured out it was me. They had nothing to go on."

"The furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand..."

"[Jogs to a halt in front of you minutes after a fire truck passes]That guy's (panting) never gonna sell any fire (panting) driving that fast"

"What's the difference between a woman's argument and a knife? A knife has a point."

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb *thats not funny*"

"Jehovah Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween; I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their doors."

"If helium lifts things could you say It's a source of light?"

"I was told not to say the word ""Hell"" and should say something else instead... So I said, ""How about H E double dildos."""

"Do you know what a Canadian's favourite gun is? Eh-K-47"

"What is a Mexicans favorite band? Hispanic at the Disco"