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Joke of the Day

"God plays Sims You know when you walk into a room and forget why you went in there? That's God playing Sims, he just cancelled your action."

"The reason angels can fly... ...is that they take themselves lightly. **G. K. Chesterton**"

"Will I ever be a good parent? *shakes baby* Wait a minute, if you're here [cut to Magic 8-Ball in crib]"

"Pretty fucked-up that your grandfather used to jerk it while thinking about Betty Boop drawings."

"Why can't Bane play baseball? He always breaks the bat."

"While defending the relevance of his laser experiments, the scientist shouted, ""Photons matter!"""

"""haha this costume party is great"" ""sir PLEASE get off the table"" ""cool librarian costume"" *sprays silly string* ""hey dude nice police costu"

"Not your average dad joke Knock knock! Who's there? To To who? To whom"

"Plot twist: The Rock isn't Kid Rock's real dad."

"My gf told me that I punched her in the face while I was sleeping last night. I apologized because I totally remember being awake for that."