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Joke of the Day

"The bank robbery would have ended much better for me if I hadn't stopped on the way out at the ATM to deposit the money."

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"[picking out a washing machine] how many watermelons can this hold? ""uhh I dunno, 11?"" only 11? *keeps walking to next one* how many waterme"
"Why is there a fence around the graveyard? Because people are dying to get in!"
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"How does Kanye make Kim Kardashian's eyes twinkle? He shines a flashlight in her ear."
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"John Cusack will always have ""I didn't do my homework but I love you"" face."