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Joke of the Day

"[job interview] What experience do you have plucking chickens? Me: See all those hairs on my chin? No. Me: Exactly."

"I now know I drink too much. I walked out on my deck and swear I heard a mosquito yell out to his all his friends that the bar just opened."

"Nothing says 'almost caught masturbating' like having your mum walking in on you looking at the Google homepage."

"If my calculations are correct, slinky + escalator = everlasting fun."

"What is juicy on the inside, dry on the outside, and has ""apple"" in it? A roasted baby with an apple in its mouth."

"iknowlimit: Ultimate Avengers 2 - Rise of the Panth http://iknowlimit.blogspot.in/2012/06/ultimates-avengers-2-rise-of-panther-or.html THIS IS ABOUT MOVIE AVENGERS"

"Ever heard of the DNA? National Dyslexic Association."

"What's the difference between a semicolon and a cat? One has a pause at the end of it's clause, the other has claws at the end of it's paws."

"According to Verizon, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 a.m. and the return of Christ."

"Not to brag, but I just got a job as a fitness model... They hired me as the ""before"" picture."