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Joke of the Day
"My wife just cleaned out her purse. So, she'll be having a garage sale later this week."
Next Joke
"therapist: ""remember there are no stupid questions"" wife: ""okay"" therapist: ""keith you start"" me: ""do sharks ever need to have a bath?"""
"Going to open a new restaurant ... I am getting ready to open an Asian/Mexican fusion resturant... I am calling it Juan-Ton"
"""Mickey Mouse, you want to divorce Minnie cause she was... extremely silly?"" ""No, I said she was fucking Goofy"""
"I'm thinking about selling my vacuum cleaner... ... All it does is collect dust."
"Sometimes I wonder how people who don't have kids get their TV remotes from the other side of the room."
"I'm celebrating 200 years of the buffalo. It's the bison-tennial!"
"Me: What do you want for breakfast? 4yo: Bagel Me: *makes it 4yo: Tricked you! I wanted toast Me: Nice trick. Now, eat your bagel"
"What do you call a funny mosquito? Malarious -My gf's homemade joke"
"Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl.... not on my watch."