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Joke of the Day

"Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl.... not on my watch."

"Simba was moving too slowly So i told him to Mufasa"

"Sh*t happens... I mean look at you."

"My friend with OCD keeps hitting F5... he says he finds it refreshing. I told him he needs help, now he keeps hitting F1. (edit- thanks to r/supremesnicker for the better punchline.)"

"What did one plane said to the other plane? Can I crash at your place?"

"Why did the University of Oklahoma researcher stay awake every night? He was trying to find a cure for insomnia."

"What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison? An escapea"

"Did you know diarrhea is hereditary? Cause it runs in your jeans."

"It would be funny if after making love to Jennifer Lawrence she stood up & fired 50 or 60 arrows into my sweaty body."

"How does Dr. Dre like to be told a story? Chronic-logically."