201846

Joke of the Day

"""Mickey Mouse, you want to divorce Minnie cause she was... extremely silly?"" ""No, I said she was fucking Goofy"""

"11: Dad, what's your spirit animal? Mine's a tiger. Me: Remember that chubby mouse named Gus in the baby-tee from Cinderella? 11: ..."

"Don't you wish after a break-up you wouldn't get phone stalked & mail stalked & email stalked? It's OVER, American Express. Let. Me. Go."

"What is orange and sounds like a parrot? A CARROT"

"What does a fish say when it swims into a wall? ....Dam."

"I recently started the new Brexit diet So far I've lost hundreds of millions of pounds."

"What's the best way to prepare a turkey for Thanksgiving dinner? Just be *honest* with it man..."

"Why is it easy to arrange for private yoga classes with a teacher? They are flexible."

"Where does Kylie Minogue get her kebabs? Jason's Doner-Van"

"A local establishment wants to press charges on me for getting an erection on their property. Luckily for me, they have no hard evidence."