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Joke of the Day

"Me: What do you want for breakfast? 4yo: Bagel Me: *makes it 4yo: Tricked you! I wanted toast Me: Nice trick. Now, eat your bagel"

"If you wrap yourself up in a blanket, you can show up to work late and say you were just rescued by the Coast Guard."

"Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch."

"Do you need space? Join NASA!"

"SURPRISE! -Sharts"

"This is naut, ok? If America has 'astronauts' and Russia has 'cosmonauts', does Denmark have 'deeznauts'?"

"I just got my prostate examined. That's the last time I fall asleep on the train."

"Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses."

"Why did the scarecrow receive an award? ...because he was out standing in his field."

"I think I'm gonna shave my legs so that there's less wind resistance when I run to the fridge for a beer."