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Joke of the Day

"As a gay man with a background in the arts, there's precious little to keep me occupied in prison. To be honest, I just get bored."

"[at restaurant trying not to let anyone know I'm a koala] Waiter: ""what can I get u?"" ""do u have any eucalyptus?"" *restaurant goes quiet*"

"Why is there no mexican olympics? Because everyone who can run, jump, or swim is already across the boarder"

"How do you starve an black man? Hide his food stamps under his work boots."

"There are 10 kinds of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who don't."

"Dear Tequila, we had a deal last night. You were supposed to make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer. I saw the video, we need to talk"

"Oscar Wilde: Always be yourself. Everyone else is already taken. Liam Neeson: I will find them. Wilde: Wait, I meant- Neeson: EVERYONE"

"Mum Can I have a dog for Christmas ? No you can have turkey like everyone else !"

"How do you call an intelligent blonde? A Labrador."

"My signature move is getting drunk before anyone can ask me to be the designated driver."