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Joke of the Day

"My signature move is getting drunk before anyone can ask me to be the designated driver."

"My daughter said, ""You're the best mommy ever!"" I'm really proud that she's learning sarcasm at such a young age."

"Had a conversation with my ex-wife over a drink this afternoon. It was cordial."

"I don't smoke, I don't drink, and I don't curse... god damn it - I left my cigarettes at the bar!!"

"What do you call an alien civil rights activist? Martian Luther King jr."

"FACT: Uma Thurman is the only person to ever have been named by someone with a mouthful of food."

"What's the KKK's favorite Christmas song? White Christmas."

"Why did princess Diana cross the road? because she wasn't wearing a seat belt"

"I ran three miles today. Finally I said, ""Lady take your purse."""

"Victim gets beat up, laptop stolen But that's not the whole story so if you see ""charged with battery"" don't buy it!"