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Joke of the Day

"I keep graphic, full frontal nude pictures of myself on my cell phone in case anyone ever hacks it. That'll teach 'em. Can't unsee that."

"I am religious. I religiously avoid church."

"The scariest punchline to a long-running joke: ""Welcome to the Oval Office, President Trump!"""

"What was the last pizza the twin towers had? A plane one."

"What is the difference between a teacher and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four..."

"My ex-wife is like a tornado First she blows, then she sucks, then she took my house and dog."

"Boyfriend's on the phone talking to a guy about lattes and his love of peach scones. I'm on the couch wondering when our periods synced."

"*donates body to science* Science: ""I have a boyfriend"""

"I knock some sense into people with a hammer."

"Why does Ganondorf hate the internet? There are too many links."