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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend and I tried Anal sex for the first time today. It was a little ruff at first but I'm finally managing to sit down again."

"Whenever I see people exercising early in the morning I think, ""Wow! I'm so impressed I'm up this early!"""

"google logo keeps changing its appearance because it killed a man in Tampa in 1999 and has to stay ahead of the law"

"Does anyone want a free microwave? Contact me. We can talk about how we both want a free microwave"

"Why did the dentist divorce the manicurist? She tried to stick her finger in his cavity."

"Restaurant chain commercials should run the disclaimer ""Actual food might not tumble and splash in slow motion""."

"What's an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own."

"I told a newcomer in prison that the other inmates were heavily interested in astronomy. When asked what I meant, I said, ""They are particularly interested in Uranus, so you don't want to moon them."""

"Someone gave me a star as a gift. I'm planning on sprucing it up with some planets and asteroids and using it as a summer vacation spot."

"Top advice for resumes: Be VERY careful with placement of dashes. Ex. - First-hand job experience = good. First hand-job experience = bad."