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Joke of the Day

"What's an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own."

"What is the name of one of the Chinese gymnasts competing at the Rio Olympics? Wai Tu Yung"

"Rumours of a food shortage..... Rumours of a food shortage at this year's Spoonerism Awards turned out to be a complete lack of pies."

"Dear car commercials, You probably don't mean to scare me but ""German engineering"" is also why I don't have so many cousins today."

"About to eat at the Cheesecake Factory/commit a hate crime against my butthole."

"My dog cant hear me yelling at him to stop chasing squirrels, but he can hear a damn cheese wrapper from 500 miles away"

"My brother just asked me what 'FAP' meant... Shit! Now I am starting to regret leaving comments on his missus facebook pics."

"*waits until a bird falls asleep, quietly creeps beside it's nest* HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO ARE YOU AWAKE!?!! HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS!?!"

"69 is the kamikaze of oral sex .. If I'm going down you're coming with me."

"I was up all night wondering where the sun had gone And then it dawned on me"