201440

Joke of the Day

"Whenever I see people exercising early in the morning I think, ""Wow! I'm so impressed I'm up this early!"""

"I'm just a boy, standing in front of the toilet paper aisle, trying to decide whether I want to wipe with a pillow, a cloud, or a kitten."

"Why did the boy stare at his orange juice for so long? Because it said, Concentrate."

"""First gay marriage. What's next - people marrying dogs?!"" *nervous glance at dog Dog: Frank, we've been over this. I like you as a friend"

"*hands you a marijuana* ""This one's called Air Bud. It'll make you play basketball. Also it might turn you into a golden retriever."""

"To err is human To arrrgh is pirate"

"What do kids yell at old people who are just trying to play? GET OFF MY LAN!"

"Jesus wasn't a very good carpenter... I mean... He couldn't remove three nails to save his life."

"Hey baby, do you smell that?"" ""No."" ""Me neither, start cooking."

"My girlfriend was dropping all these hints about tying the knot or taking the plunge... so I tied a rock around her ankle and pushed her off the pier. She hasn't called since..."