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Joke of the Day

"50 shades of grey After reading 50 Shades of Grey my wife asked me to tie her tightly to the bed. ""Now what?"" I asked. ""Hurt me!"" ""Ok. You have saggy tits"""

"How do you make a dead dog shake? 2 scoops ice cream, 1 scoop dead dog."

"What does the sign of an out of business brothel say? Beat it. We're closed."

"Q: How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant? A: She sneezes."

"ebola jokes ... its all about the execution :')"

"A penguin walks into a bar and asks ""has my brother been in here?"" The bartender says ""I don't know, what does he look like?"""

"What's worse than finding a lobster on your piano? Finding crabs on your organ."

"Despite my last 12,000 tweets, I'm actually really fun."

"I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge."

"If you don't use a bottle opener to open your beer, you drink shitty beer."