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Joke of the Day

"What's worse than finding a lobster on your piano? Finding crabs on your organ."

"What's the difference between a lawyer and God? God doesn't think he's a lawyer."

"The people of Baltimore played GTA yesterday... Tonight they will see the National Guard play Call of Duty."

"I'd like to be a double agent. Or maybe a single agent/pirate. Maybe even a velociraptor. Definitely a velociraptor/pirate agent."

"What's a panda's favourite drink? Bambooze"

"Diner: Why are the waiters in here so nasty? Waiter: Look at who they have to serve."

"Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day Give a man a poisoned fish and he'll eat for the rest of his life"

"Round Sheep A farmer asked me ""Can you help me round up my sheep?"" I said ""How many have you got?"" He said ""78"" I said ""we will call that 80!"""

"What has five bodies and one soul? A Kia full of Gingers."

"[gym] Trainer: You here to get cut? Me: Uhh no, I'm already circumcised and if that's covered under my membership, I want a reduced bill"