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Joke of the Day
"Despite my last 12,000 tweets, I'm actually really fun."
Next Joke
"I have no problem feeding my kid something that fell on the floor, so I get it, restaurant employees."
"""Risky Star"" What kind of a star can be risky? . . A shooting star!"
"My therapist cries ""Why me?"" for the full hour."
"A girl asked me for a dick pic. I told her sorry, my phone doesn't take panoramic pics."
"A lot of people make a big deal about age differences in couples. As far as I'm concerned a girl is fair game as soon as she's finished school. So usually at about 3:15"
"If someone asks what you're doing today, grab a knife & yell ""SOMETHING I SHOULD'VE DONE A LONG TIME AGO!"" Sounds way cooler than ""Napping!"""
"Knock, Knock Who's there? Hitler. Hitler who? For denying the holocaust you are now sentenced to ten years in an Austrian prison."
"A dyslexic man walks into a bra. ""Watch where you're going!"" exclaims the woman. ""Sorry, I'm dyslexic and I thought this was a bar, can I get you a drink?"""
"What did one amorous flea say to the other? I love you aw-flea."