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Joke of the Day

"I finally figured out the problem with our firewall last night. It was a real breakthrough! //Actually used that this morning. Manager did not notice, I did not explain."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter what you call him, he won't be able to come to you."

"Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents"

"Can't think of a good Halloween costume? Go as a failed abortion. You don't even have to dress up, you uncreative fuck"

"What's cold and scary?! I-scream!"

"Why is the Democratic electoral landscape like a Moebius strip? Cause no matter what you do, there always seems to be a Clinton claiming to be ""on your side"" . . ."

"Why do people never see an Apple store getting robbed? It doesn't have windows."

"'If u insinuate that I'm fat again, I'm leaving you!' 'Don't be selfish, think about the baby.' 'What baby?' 'Oh, so you're not pregnant?'"

"When I study, I highlight with a black permanent marker, forcing my brain to memorize that shit."

"Did you hear that joke about mosquitoes? it's malarious."