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Joke of the Day

"'If u insinuate that I'm fat again, I'm leaving you!' 'Don't be selfish, think about the baby.' 'What baby?' 'Oh, so you're not pregnant?'"

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"What on Earth did the NASA discover? Nothing, it was on Mars"
"*high fives self* *misses*"
"Why did the chicken run across the road? She was worried the egg would get there first."
"I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find 'em."
"*draws a sharpie mustache on my grandma* lol you cant hang loser. passin out w/ shoes on? rookie ""Sir please step away from the casket"""
"Why did the Baker have smelly hands? Because he kneaded a poo"
"How do you fix a pumpkin With a pumpkin patch... I'm so sorry."
"""Darling, can I go out in this dress?"" ""Yes dear, it's already dark out."" ""Darling, can I go out in this dress?"" ""Yes dear, it's already dark out."""
"What is the most sensitive part of your body when masturbating? Your ears"