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Joke of the Day

"Why isn't Hitler invited to the barbecue? Because he always burns the franks"

"-You think I'd make a bad Private Eye 'cause I can't read body language? I will prove you wrong! -Sir, you're talking to the murder victim"

"Some guys think sweaters are sexy, but I don't like girls who sweat more than the usual amount."

"We are in the golden age of watching videos on your phone."

"This morning's commute could have used more FAST and less FURIOUS."

"What's the hardest part about watching a video of somebody being beheaded? My dick."

"SON: Daddy, I keep hearing noises from my closet. I think a monster's in there. ME: Yeah, why do you think mom and I chose the other room?"

"If you were killed by a cop... ..which store would you want looted in your memory?"

"What do you get when you cross a rooster with an owl? A cock that stays up all night long"

"I changed my old pocket camera into a new Canon 5D because it's a little lighter... but then again it sucks as a camera."