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Joke of the Day

"-You think I'd make a bad Private Eye 'cause I can't read body language? I will prove you wrong! -Sir, you're talking to the murder victim"

"My brother's a professional boxer. Heavyweight ? No featherweight. He tickles his opponents to death !"

"When a guy pulls his penis out, he can tell what his partner thinks about his size... ...based on their sighs."

"I'm cooking some SpaghettiOs in nothing but my underwear. All of a sudden, Chef Ramsay bursts into my kitchen and beats the shit out of me."

"Q: Why are Republicans always so strung up about 9/11? A: Elephants never forget."

"Lindsey Lohan is going to be charged with a felony tomorrow. In other news, restaurants serve food."

"Where do doctors put blood that can't be used because it is too fluorescent? In the haemo glow bin."

"What's Sam Smith's favorite type of nut? [It's an alllllllllmond](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fB63ztKnGvo&feature=youtu.be&t=37s)"

"A Jewish kid.... asks his dad for ten dollars. His dad replies, ""Eight dollars? What do you need five dollars for?"""

"Oral exam A mother asks her son how the oral exam was. Son: ""Pious."" Mother: ""What do you mean?"" S: ""The professor asks a question, I cross myself. I give him an answer, he crosses himself."""