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Joke of the Day

"A bug is just a bug until you put one on someone's face."

"Remember, when someone claims to be a girl... He could be a Guy In Real Life."

"It's pretty silly to be afraid of spiders when most of them have probably never answered a text message with a phone call."

"Why do Eyeballs Make Great Comedians? Because they are filled with vitreous humor!"

"All these knights going on a quest for the Holy Grail was a waste. They should've just asked their moms. Moms can find anything."

"On the way into work I dropped my doughnut on the sidewalk. You read about these things, but never think it'll happen to you."

"I think my girlfriend would be a great presidential candidate, Because she's so awesome at bringing up shit from the past."

"Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a Christmas bell! Just take these pills - and if they don't work give me a ring!"

"A feminist, a crossfitter, and a vegan are all sitting at a bar... and I only know this because they won't shut the fuck up about it."

"How do you make Hitler cry? Easy just show him his gas bill."