156236

Joke of the Day

"Remember, when someone claims to be a girl... He could be a Guy In Real Life."

"For lunch today, I think I will have a blistering hot bowl of ice cold soup. Thanks microwave."

"An ostrich commits grand heresy against the empire. He is promptly ostrichized. No? ok."

"Stoners are gearing up to do on 4/20 what they do every other day of the year."

"I'm just a naked guy in an elm tree noticing the creepy way you stare at me through your bathroom window."

"[Me as an Italian language translator] Police: Ask him where the money is hidden. Me: Spaghetti tortellini Benghazi Fibonacci cappuccino."

"Why is the dyslexic afraid of Christmas? Because that's when Satan comes."

"What's the opposite of the word uncle-off-her? It's an aunt-*on*-him."

"Computers and taxis are surprisingly similar. They both crash when the drivers stop working."

"News: IKEA pledges 1 billion euros to help slow climate change. But knowing IKEA, it will take forever to put the money together."