64870

Joke of the Day

"My friend's coming over, I've got to be careful... ...my house mates are crazy and he's allergic to nuts. *Yes indeed.*"

"What is it called when a lumberjack masturbates? Logging off."

"science jokes two chemists walk into a bar, the first one says ""I'll have H20"" the second one says ""I'll have H20 two"" the second chemist dies.how did he die? tell me in the comments"

"Most people's religion or faith has a switch which they can conveniently switch on and off whenever it suits them."

"An art museum robber is caught when he tries to get away.... A reporter asks him what went wrong with the robbery. He answers "" I didn't have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

"My father just texted that he's been kicked off the roof of a Cleveland casino for grilling hotdogs, if you ever wondered why I am this way."

"What do you call a very nosy spice? Jalapeno Business You need to say this in a pretty thick Hispanic accent for it to work. I heard it from some classmates."

"When I want to exercise, I wear my gym clothes... ...but when I want to wear something more formal, I wear my James clothes."

"Did you hear about the woman who drowned in semen? She had it coming."

"How to make money on youtube? Step 1. Submit a false claim Step 2. Collect that money Step 3. ???? Step 4. Massive profit for doing nothing"