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Joke of the Day

"science jokes two chemists walk into a bar, the first one says ""I'll have H20"" the second one says ""I'll have H20 two"" the second chemist dies.how did he die? tell me in the comments"

"Hey smoke detectors, feel free to use that last bit of battery life to continue monitoring fires instead of getting all beepy."

"Why do vampire's use linux? Because they don't like windows in their house. Ba^Dum^Tss"

"I like my coffee like I like my women, black and from the gas station up the street."

"What do you call a miniature pension? Warhammer 401k"

"My boyfriend got pissed because I didn't swallow. Is it my fault I have a nut allergy?"

"how do you know you're at a gay picnic? the hotdogs taste like shit"

"Just burned 2000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at the grocery store."

"My friend asked me how it felt to be able to say that i was married I said that ""It has a nice ring to it"""

"You know what the definition of ""competitive"" is? Finishing first *and* third in a circlejerk."