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Joke of the Day

"Oh God. Yes. This is so good. I love it so much I'm having a sarcasm."

"""Mom?"" ""Yes?"" ""Are we having seafood for dinner?"" ""No, why?"" ""I heard Dad on the phone."" ""And?"" ""He said that he picked up a case of crabs."""

"Just saw a woman, covered in red paint, running and screaming from an abandoned country house, LOL good prank."

"Why did the bird go to the restaurant? Tweet!"

"Movies are so unrealistic. This guy's using his computer to access an alien ship & not once has it asked if he wants to upgrade his Adobe."

"Beef Jerky Did you hear about that new kind of Porno where a slut from Vietnam gives a cow a hand job? It's called Beef Jerky. http://earlmcgerd.tumblr.com/"

"My other calendar is a packet of birth control pills."

"Nothing like a left handshake to make me wonder why you're weird."

"My neighbours are very loud when they have sex. And that's bad for my insomnia. Last night I was so fed up I had to scream their safety word."

"Did you hear about the new Die Hard where Willis Infiltrates a Corrupt Nunnery? ""*Bad Habits Die Hard.*"""