20970

Joke of the Day

"My neighbours are very loud when they have sex. And that's bad for my insomnia. Last night I was so fed up I had to scream their safety word."

"How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers"

"All squirrels fly when you own a T-shirt cannon."

"Stellar hiring process HR. The new lady broke into song when being introduced to me. I give it 2 days before her first cat-related meltdown."

"Doctor: I have two bad news for you. Doctor: The first one is that you have cancer. Patient: whats the second one then? Doctor: you also have alzheimer's. Patient: well at least I dont have cancer"

"What does George Bush Jr and Michael Jackson have in common? Bush did 9/11 and Jackson did 9 11 year-olds."

"When I die I hope someone puts ""In Memory Of Jenny Johnson"" in old English lettering across the back windshield of their Buick Riviera."

"What do you get when you run over a goose? Goose bumps."

"Cinderella taught girls that it's ok if a guy has no idea what you look like as long as he's a prince."

"Someone told me to go fuck myself /r/selffuck was a great place to start!"