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Joke of the Day

"Just saw a woman, covered in red paint, running and screaming from an abandoned country house, LOL good prank."

"I think my cat is using me for my money I mean the sex is great, but I just don't feel an emotional connection."

"If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?"

"Me: Shhh, your brother is still sleeping. 4yo: *runs upstairs CRASH JUMP ""Wake up!"" SLAM *runs back downstairs ""No, he's not."""

"Why did the bicycle fall over? it was too tired!"

"What did Delaware? A New Jersey"

"What do you get when you cross a penis with a potato? An absolute ruler"

"""son, I've had to throw my golf socks out"" ""Why dad? cos you got... A HOLE IN ONE? HAHA"" ""No son. I killed a man. They're covered in blood"""

"I'm an introverted republican... ...I guess you could call me an anti-socialist."

"What do you call cheese that is by itself? Provolone"