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Joke of the Day
"How many sound guys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, two... One, two."
Next Joke
"NURSE: She's in a coma. She's been on hungerstrike [boyfriend walks in with just enough chips for himself] PATIENT: *Opens one eye*"
"people: u should smile me: not unless u deposit 2 million dollars in my bank account thanks"
"What do you call an integral that doesn't like derivatives? An anti-derivative."
"Why is [friend's name] always on the bottom? Because they won't stop fucking up"
"i cant feel my face when im with you / please untie me / nose is itchy"
"Plane turbulence is caused by flying over hot areas, flying over mountains, and you getting up to use the airplane bathroom"
"I don't see the point of class reunions anymore now that Facebook exists."
"There are only two reasons to hate gay marriage. Either you're dumb or you're secretly worried that dicks are delicious."
"What does a child without arms get for x-mas? gloves! nah don't know, it hasn't opened the present yet"