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Joke of the Day

"This guy goes to the Olympics and sees a guy carrying a long pole. He asks - Are you a pole vaulter? Guy replies - No I'm German, and my name is Hans."

"Remember when the Backstreet Boys sang 'Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely' and then we all showed them for the rest of their lives?"

"They say, ""If you let something go and it comes back, it's yours"" Then does that mean I own all boomerangs?"

"My nose won't stop running. But, to be fair, it's the only part of my body that's still in shape."

"I don't want your candy, what I really want is your number."

"A police officer sees a kid on the street.. He says, ""Its getting late kid, shouldn't you be getting back to the orphanage?"" Kid says, ""I guess so, what gave me away?"" ""Your parents did."""

"4yo daughter: No matter how much I wipe there's still poo Me: *blocking people on twitter* Same, baby"

"My Voodoo doll would be a glazed ham wrapped in chicken feathers."

"What's the most depressed thing in the bathroom? The toilet. It always takes all the shit."

"Hello?.... Steph? Man: Can I get Steph Curry's number? Operator: 1-800-war-rior Man: I tried that, but it didn't ring"