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Joke of the Day

"4yo daughter: No matter how much I wipe there's still poo Me: *blocking people on twitter* Same, baby"

"Your mamas so skinny she swallowed a meatball n thought she was pregnant."

"As a kid, I'd pull a girl's hair to let her know I liked her, but now that I'm older & wiser I simply hit her with my car."

"I used to work in mysterious ways. Now I just don't work."

"How many atheist does it take to change a light bulb? None. It will happen itself."

"A grasshopper walks into a bar... and the bartender gets excited. The bartender says, ""Hey, we've got a drink named after you!"" The grasshopper replies, ""You've got a drink named Greg?"""

"What is crucial to any joke about ISIS? The execution"

"Ever notice how unaware people are of the world around them? No?"

"My girlfriend said that she'd break up with me if I kerp on making cheesy puns Its okay some things just are'nt ment to brie"

"Hey Buzzfeed, the only way my beard is 2% feces... ...is if I just finished eating 98% of the pussy."