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Joke of the Day

"I drove my car into a river and watched it turn into a mobile phone... One minute, a Kia. Next minute, Nokia."

"Say what you will against pedophiles, but at least... they drive slowly in school zones."

"I was tasked with ordering coffee supplies for the office... I sent an email to all the staff asking if they wanted flavored creamers or regular creamers. Their answers were half-and-half."

"Why did the woman cross the road? Good fucking question, I need to get stronger locks for the home dungeon."

"Sometimes I make statements in the tone of a question?"

"Before seeing why your toddler has been quiet for 10 mins it's best to first call the plumber and write your apology letter to the landlord."

"I think I may be emotionally constipated...I haven't given a crap in days."

"When I practice my saxophone I have to put the cat in the window, so my neighbours know I'm not kicking it around the living room."

"What do turtles do for fun? Play hide and shell."

"Did you hear about the new sprinklers from Australia? They're Aussielating."